Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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