got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
