I'm jealous of your bromance
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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