I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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