oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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