there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
