Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
