Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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