Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
