glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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