as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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