i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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