Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
