theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
