this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
