Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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