mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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