just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
