i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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