Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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