Do you still have your period?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
