I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
