too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
