thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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