dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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