How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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