Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize