You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
