you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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