Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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