I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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