Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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