I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
