The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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