Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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