Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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