Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
