when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
