I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
