You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
