if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
