I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
