i don't like sucking hair
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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