Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize