The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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