And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
