Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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