So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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