my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
