Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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