and you said cock pushups were impossible
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
