On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
