Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
