so that wasnt chicken after all
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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