I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
