OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
