that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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