you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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