What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
