Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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