I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
