That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
