he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
