he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
