Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
