drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize