whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
