Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
