we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
