do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
