remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
