Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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