I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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