My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
