Do you still have your period?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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